Wherefore art thou, Juliet

This was originally intended to be written as yet another "feeling sorry for myself" on February 14th, 2001. I decided to jump the gun a little...

One of the most common complaints aired in the media from single women seems to be: "Why are all the good men gay or taken."

Perhaps. But where are all these single women? Given that the groups I tend to move through are 95% male, I guess I know where a lot of the nice unmarried guys are, but not being gay, that doesn't really help me much. Of course, some of them may be, but I haven't asked and they haven't told :)

So I thought -- maybe they're at the clubs. Could be; there are a few. Unfortunately at the not so tender age of 28, a 21 year old is just a little too, well, young. What about the dating agencies, online and otherwise. I've not tried them myself, but comments I've heard from still single male friends doesn't seem to bode well in that respect. How about church groups, charities, political parties? Been there, met those focused individuals. Dedication to a cause is indeed commendable, but when it meets single minded dedication, it seems to shut off anyone and anything not equally interested in that end. Besides, I really get the feeling that people that interested in that end aren't the ones complaining above -- they have their aim in life.

Then I thought, in a moment of severe depression, they're equating me with Dilbert and just plain avoiding me. I work in the computer industry, and have an evil tendency to spin puns and computer jargon. That has to be it. Surely, however, people who work with me in the same job must have a similar problem. Informal results: 50-50 single versus married. That didn't really help pin it down either.

Ok, it could be networking. You know, the same way you get a job -- get one person to introduce you to another and work your way on. Female coworkers or the wives of friends surely can help. Of course, they must know other female friends wondering where all those nice guys are. Weirdly enough, no. The answer always seems to be "I know way more guys than gals." And they don't seem to be (politely) lying. Scratch that.

"Nice guys finish last" I think, noting that even a cliche must have some grounding in reality. What single women want is a real asshole -- and hell, I've known enough of them who seem to have pretty fun social lives. Then I discarded the line of thought. I am what I am, and playing with people's lives for the fun of it just isn't my sort of thing. Besides, I just cannot believe that an abusive relationship is worthwhile just because it's exciting periodically, and if I think it, hopefully I'm not the only one.

But, hey, perhaps this whole shameless guy stuff has some sort of value to it. Another phrase I heard was "If you ask ten women at random for a date, you'll get it one of those times." That thought lasted almost as long as the previous one. My cheeks prefer to go red when it's cold, not because they've been slapped or because I'm really embarrassed.

One friend suggested a singles Carribean cruise. Hey, it could work if you're after cheap sex. Tempting, but nah.

So what about those infamous internet romances? Somehow the ability to talk to someone face to face just seems to have more emotion and reality to it, and that limits the whole dating thing back to the city one lives in.

Some very rough statistics: Calgary has just under a million people in it. The usual male/female ratio is 50%. Ok, so that's 500,000 women in one city. Of that amount -- assuming a standard distribution based over a standard lifespan of a woman which I think is 77 in Canada -- that means about 52000 are in an eight year range around mine. Now let's say that a certain proportion can't stand the sight of me, and no doubt I them. I'll assume that proportion is 50% since I'm not a truly evil and ugly character, and I can't believe that 27000 women fit that bill either. So, we're now down to 27000. Some are married, decidedly single, or gay. Now knock off another 1 in 10 if Kinsey is correct, another 80% because I'm a romantic at heart and have a sneaking suspicion so are a lot of other people and we're down to about 9400 women. Let's say that another 20% love country music way beyond anything I can take (hey, this isCalgary after all.) So, we're now down to a little under 7500 Calgary women who are unattached, in my age bracket and not specifically anti-Adam.

Who are they, where are they and can I get their home phone numbers?

Post scriptum: Found one! Well, more accurately one found me. Yes, there are indeed some wonderful charming [single] women in Calgary. As for finding them? I ended up using Lavalife, an online dating service. It has a very high failure rate, but you really only need to find the right person once. Patience.

Post post scriptum: And lost her. Oh well. A bit more patience is now required.

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